life is a maze,love is a riddle.

i learnt how to play mahjong yesterday! so fun! haha.. shall practice it more so that i can play with the others next time!
slept for three hours yesterdat then woke up at 6.50am and realised that i am late for work! omg.. and the thing is i have to fetch randall from SK. sigh.. not sure why we couldnt find the big splash at ecp then we got down a macdonalds and walked ALL THE WAY to the hawker center, thereafter then we realised that we've walked the wrong way! so we had to walk all the way back to BIG SPLASH! SOOOO FAR! oh man.. and we were very late :( and i felt so bad about it man..

there's something i really wanna blog about. i realised that i am not the same old jamine anymore cause i think i am losing my cheerful-ness and my positiveness nowadays. which makes me doubt myself as a person whether i've done my best in maintaining a friendship or in anyway in life. because alot of things are happening and its really affecting me and my whole life!
i have started losing the skills of commmunicating well with people! why? i wasnt like that last time. Alot of people have been asking me why am i so emo or like why do i always have the sad look on my face? actually i am quite confused with myself also. because i have seen so much of the ugliest side of people that makes me feel that this society around me is really disappointing because i feel that there is really a lack of sincerity in everything they do. maybe i have my principles to follow that is why i feel so distant away from alot of people now. one thing is that i don't wanna lose values that i possessed if not there will be no difference between me and "others". so i prefer to stick to my own values. I DONT WANNA LOSE IT!

So nowadays i've been picking myself up in order to know wad i wanna find back in my own life. which i think is good. and the thing is i really miss my secondary school mates, they are really the ones that can make me feel so comfortable with myself when i'm with them. just the presence of them cheers me up alot! actually i find that tp, ssta really played a part and helped me to pick myself up too. and that's really good. i also realised something, i really learnt how to enjoy time with myself and fill very contented by myself when i've no one else around me. its really a good feeling :D it feels very independent and a feeling of satisfaction within yourself. if you get what i meant.
so i really hope that jamine can find back more qualities of what the old jamine. the qualities that i used to possessed and this is what makes me feel so special about myself.

-i like him because of his character and his qualities. i really don't know whether he is at least a little interested in me. i find myself so useless cause i know that i want to know more about him, but i do not dare to ask because i am really afraid of rejection. i tried it in actions but the not so obvious ones and i tried not to show my interest out ( okay, maybe i did sometimes), but he doesn't reciprocate :( and he told everyone tt he was smsing a girl and needed to concentrate.. oh my. i think i really have least bit of chances now. maybe i should try to give up.
Seriously, i hate this feeling to have a crush on someone. i wish i could be cold blooded to be able to not have a soulmate or a partner or any form of attraction to anyone. then i will not suffer this much.

why does this happen to me so many times in my life? the ppl i like would just treat me as their friends and the people i would like to treat them as my friends will like me? oh my goodness.. WHY. love is such an irritating pest. i hate this!