hate it.

I am so angsty nowadays. i hate them sticking together although its suppose to be the other way round with me. i'm been working like mad nowadays and my only goal is to save up money. kinda enjoyed it at first, but now, i'm not too sure why i'm working so hard for? .blinded by the drive and enthusiam to work and earn money. its challenging to see how much i can earn within these few days.with good reasons,i might just lose it after i get it.i hate the feeling of working so hard and i dont get to alot of self satisfaction in the end.. it sucks. no objective at all. sucks. i feel like slapping myself these days. i dont understand why i really hate recieving *** back although i am not suppose to. its such an evil thought that i cant really express it out to others. negative negative negative. i feel so screwed up now. shit... and the joining of team prob is getting worst. i've actually decided but i feel that its selfish and most importantly, i feel inferior to them. surprisingly, i've confidence of winning. one good feeling. help me god.