1. I've been working at this particular ssc for these few days and realised that my colleagues there are really very nice and compassionate people. although they are very blunt people, but they advise you and help you in a good way. i love them! they are so real and so compassionate. during these days, those old uncles taught me about life and we shared experiences in life with each other. it felt great to know that at least there are people like them in this world around me who shared the same views and the same values :D these uncles taught me aot of stuff and helped me to find back myself slowly. it felt so great!
2. Anyway, went for aviva lifeguarding today! it was fun! i'm so glad that i made the decision to ask those people to come! :D love it! although its very tiring but it was really fun to work with them :D i am so glad i got to know all these people. and will definitely ask the same ones if i have any lobangs!
3. After much advice given from my colleagues who are experienced. i've decided to try very hard to lessen my liking for him after so long because i really want my first to be my last and i also don't wish to waste his time because we shared the same thought. it will be really selfish for me to want to be with him because we are still young and there are alot more things for us to do. so i really wish that he could live life without any regrets and settle down when he is ready. same for me. i may still like him but i'll not show it because it will do us good for both of us. moreover,i'll still have to face him after i grad! :D so now its the time to really get to know him well as a person. it will be better this way.
4. i think i really developed a phobia after my british club experience. it's really scary and only those people whom i told to will understand the fear in me for helping people now.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
life is a maze,love is a riddle.
i learnt how to play mahjong yesterday! so fun! haha.. shall practice it more so that i can play with the others next time!
slept for three hours yesterdat then woke up at 6.50am and realised that i am late for work! omg.. and the thing is i have to fetch randall from SK. sigh.. not sure why we couldnt find the big splash at ecp then we got down a macdonalds and walked ALL THE WAY to the hawker center, thereafter then we realised that we've walked the wrong way! so we had to walk all the way back to BIG SPLASH! SOOOO FAR! oh man.. and we were very late :( and i felt so bad about it man..
there's something i really wanna blog about. i realised that i am not the same old jamine anymore cause i think i am losing my cheerful-ness and my positiveness nowadays. which makes me doubt myself as a person whether i've done my best in maintaining a friendship or in anyway in life. because alot of things are happening and its really affecting me and my whole life!
i have started losing the skills of commmunicating well with people! why? i wasnt like that last time. Alot of people have been asking me why am i so emo or like why do i always have the sad look on my face? actually i am quite confused with myself also. because i have seen so much of the ugliest side of people that makes me feel that this society around me is really disappointing because i feel that there is really a lack of sincerity in everything they do. maybe i have my principles to follow that is why i feel so distant away from alot of people now. one thing is that i don't wanna lose values that i possessed if not there will be no difference between me and "others". so i prefer to stick to my own values. I DONT WANNA LOSE IT!
So nowadays i've been picking myself up in order to know wad i wanna find back in my own life. which i think is good. and the thing is i really miss my secondary school mates, they are really the ones that can make me feel so comfortable with myself when i'm with them. just the presence of them cheers me up alot! actually i find that tp, ssta really played a part and helped me to pick myself up too. and that's really good. i also realised something, i really learnt how to enjoy time with myself and fill very contented by myself when i've no one else around me. its really a good feeling :D it feels very independent and a feeling of satisfaction within yourself. if you get what i meant.
so i really hope that jamine can find back more qualities of what the old jamine. the qualities that i used to possessed and this is what makes me feel so special about myself.
-i like him because of his character and his qualities. i really don't know whether he is at least a little interested in me. i find myself so useless cause i know that i want to know more about him, but i do not dare to ask because i am really afraid of rejection. i tried it in actions but the not so obvious ones and i tried not to show my interest out ( okay, maybe i did sometimes), but he doesn't reciprocate :( and he told everyone tt he was smsing a girl and needed to concentrate.. oh my. i think i really have least bit of chances now. maybe i should try to give up.
Seriously, i hate this feeling to have a crush on someone. i wish i could be cold blooded to be able to not have a soulmate or a partner or any form of attraction to anyone. then i will not suffer this much.
why does this happen to me so many times in my life? the ppl i like would just treat me as their friends and the people i would like to treat them as my friends will like me? oh my goodness.. WHY. love is such an irritating pest. i hate this!
slept for three hours yesterdat then woke up at 6.50am and realised that i am late for work! omg.. and the thing is i have to fetch randall from SK. sigh.. not sure why we couldnt find the big splash at ecp then we got down a macdonalds and walked ALL THE WAY to the hawker center, thereafter then we realised that we've walked the wrong way! so we had to walk all the way back to BIG SPLASH! SOOOO FAR! oh man.. and we were very late :( and i felt so bad about it man..
there's something i really wanna blog about. i realised that i am not the same old jamine anymore cause i think i am losing my cheerful-ness and my positiveness nowadays. which makes me doubt myself as a person whether i've done my best in maintaining a friendship or in anyway in life. because alot of things are happening and its really affecting me and my whole life!
i have started losing the skills of commmunicating well with people! why? i wasnt like that last time. Alot of people have been asking me why am i so emo or like why do i always have the sad look on my face? actually i am quite confused with myself also. because i have seen so much of the ugliest side of people that makes me feel that this society around me is really disappointing because i feel that there is really a lack of sincerity in everything they do. maybe i have my principles to follow that is why i feel so distant away from alot of people now. one thing is that i don't wanna lose values that i possessed if not there will be no difference between me and "others". so i prefer to stick to my own values. I DONT WANNA LOSE IT!
So nowadays i've been picking myself up in order to know wad i wanna find back in my own life. which i think is good. and the thing is i really miss my secondary school mates, they are really the ones that can make me feel so comfortable with myself when i'm with them. just the presence of them cheers me up alot! actually i find that tp, ssta really played a part and helped me to pick myself up too. and that's really good. i also realised something, i really learnt how to enjoy time with myself and fill very contented by myself when i've no one else around me. its really a good feeling :D it feels very independent and a feeling of satisfaction within yourself. if you get what i meant.
so i really hope that jamine can find back more qualities of what the old jamine. the qualities that i used to possessed and this is what makes me feel so special about myself.
-i like him because of his character and his qualities. i really don't know whether he is at least a little interested in me. i find myself so useless cause i know that i want to know more about him, but i do not dare to ask because i am really afraid of rejection. i tried it in actions but the not so obvious ones and i tried not to show my interest out ( okay, maybe i did sometimes), but he doesn't reciprocate :( and he told everyone tt he was smsing a girl and needed to concentrate.. oh my. i think i really have least bit of chances now. maybe i should try to give up.
Seriously, i hate this feeling to have a crush on someone. i wish i could be cold blooded to be able to not have a soulmate or a partner or any form of attraction to anyone. then i will not suffer this much.
why does this happen to me so many times in my life? the ppl i like would just treat me as their friends and the people i would like to treat them as my friends will like me? oh my goodness.. WHY. love is such an irritating pest. i hate this!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
hate it.
I am so angsty nowadays. i hate them sticking together although its suppose to be the other way round with me. i'm been working like mad nowadays and my only goal is to save up money. kinda enjoyed it at first, but now, i'm not too sure why i'm working so hard for? .blinded by the drive and enthusiam to work and earn money. its challenging to see how much i can earn within these few days.with good reasons,i might just lose it after i get it.i hate the feeling of working so hard and i dont get to alot of self satisfaction in the end.. it sucks. no objective at all. sucks. i feel like slapping myself these days. i dont understand why i really hate recieving *** back although i am not suppose to. its such an evil thought that i cant really express it out to others. negative negative negative. i feel so screwed up now. shit... and the joining of team prob is getting worst. i've actually decided but i feel that its selfish and most importantly, i feel inferior to them. surprisingly, i've confidence of winning. one good feeling. help me god.
Monday, February 23, 2009
:( heartache.
Gosh.. I think my student is damn stressed over his spelling today. He learnt his spelling till he start to tear and all.. Initially I thought he was just having flu but then i slowly kinda realised that he's crying.Hmmm.. I think learning spelling is one of the most difficult task to do during primary school days. Poor thing..i feel so sorry for him lah.. Can see from his face that he's damn stress :( i'll definately get him something to cheer him up on the next lesson :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
ZHEN CHONG! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!
Took a cab to far east flora just now to buy flowers..
so i told the uncle," uncle, to far east flora"
uncle: "okay"
so i called up my mum and was having conversation with her.
15mins later, he drove pass far east flora. i thought he wanted to make a u turn, just as i thought he was going to do thatr, he drove past the u turn sign! then he asked me,
uncle: " miss, u want to u tuen or go straight?"
so i replied :" u turn"
here comes the thing k, HE WENT PAST ANOTHER U TURN SIGN!!!!!!!!
so i faster hang up my phone and told him that i'm heading to far east flora. he told me that he heard i wanted to FAR EAST PLAZA! flora and plaza sound the same meh? sigh.. moreover, when i said that i wanna make a u turn, i thought that i wanted to go newton! walao... peng ah..
anyway.. i bet he misunderstood me. haiyo.. luckily the uncle charged me cheaper ah.. if not the fare will be damn ex. i'm now at bishan library blogging.. oh my.. tuition starts at 7pm and i'm killing my time here...
haha.. anyway, i just gotten my enrolment packag. those stuff inside there are super confusing lah! okay okay.. guess what.. the lady sitting beside my using the computer just took off her shoes..and i can smell the pungent fragrance slowly emanating out of her feet/shoe. whatever lah.. it just smells.. oh my G!
Took a cab to far east flora just now to buy flowers..
so i told the uncle," uncle, to far east flora"
uncle: "okay"
so i called up my mum and was having conversation with her.
15mins later, he drove pass far east flora. i thought he wanted to make a u turn, just as i thought he was going to do thatr, he drove past the u turn sign! then he asked me,
uncle: " miss, u want to u tuen or go straight?"
so i replied :" u turn"
here comes the thing k, HE WENT PAST ANOTHER U TURN SIGN!!!!!!!!
so i faster hang up my phone and told him that i'm heading to far east flora. he told me that he heard i wanted to FAR EAST PLAZA! flora and plaza sound the same meh? sigh.. moreover, when i said that i wanna make a u turn, i thought that i wanted to go newton! walao... peng ah..
anyway.. i bet he misunderstood me. haiyo.. luckily the uncle charged me cheaper ah.. if not the fare will be damn ex. i'm now at bishan library blogging.. oh my.. tuition starts at 7pm and i'm killing my time here...
haha.. anyway, i just gotten my enrolment packag. those stuff inside there are super confusing lah! okay okay.. guess what.. the lady sitting beside my using the computer just took off her shoes..and i can smell the pungent fragrance slowly emanating out of her feet/shoe. whatever lah.. it just smells.. oh my G!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
late for work :(
using my phone to blog again. Argh.. I'm like in the shuttle bus now.. Late for work again! The bus went off at 245, i reached at 245! So i waited for the 315bus! Irritating.. I bet my pay will be damn little this month lah! I'm super poor this month. Die! I wasted 10bucks chionging cab to dhoby! 10bucks poorer :( :( :(
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
i survived.
I'm now like using my phone to blog! Haha.. Amazing lah today. We did 500m warm up then proceed to do finning. I seriously swim until i went blur and i swim until i lost count of my laps. Then we proceed on to do towing..ALOT OF TOWING! And now, my left arm is not functioning well due to the towing. Haha.. And i learnt proper kicking while using fins! Haha.. Now i know where my mistake is! Hmmm.. But the thing is my breathing was not smooth today so i slipped 4 laps of finning :( but at the end of it i did 6laps of towing to compensate for it! :) haha.. Then did rope throw.. Haha.. They told me its not bad for first timer :) haha.. Happy ah! After training, peishan,huiwen, me and the other guy whom i forgotten to ask for his name, we went for dinner at amk central. Haha.. I guess i got to know them better. All of us shared experiences of our races and all. Peishan told us about her stuff being a PE teacher at innova and i just realised that she's quite a "ON" teacher. Haha.. And today i just found out a secret about peishan and ms wong! Haha.. Kinda fun but tiring ah.. My mum just picked me up and we're like going to sheng siong to shop for groceries. Haha.. Cool uh..haha.. Oh ya, i still wanna complain that my router has spoilt :( so sucky.. Now i gotta depend on my phone to do stuff and all.. Argh.. Oh well.. I'm out! There still training this friday! Haha yay! I'm definately going.. Gotta catch up ah.. I'm damn slow! :( i'm out!
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